Victory or Death

Failure comes at a price I can’t afford

I’ve never had anyone ask what Buaidh No Bas means. It’s in most of my profiles around the strange little place we call the interwebz. But I guess that could be because Google is our friend, why ask when you can GTS?
It’s the Gaelic version of the clan MacNeil motto. The Latin is Vincere Vel Mori and the English, which is what most of you will be wanting to know I guess, is Victory or Death. (Also in case you are wondering, yes I am of MacNeil descent.)

Rambling around to the point and the quote at the top…. I was listening to “Avalon” by Professor Green featuring Sierra Kusterbeck, again this morning. That quote is from the song and it seems to tie in quite well with the clan motto and the way that I want to live my life. To never back down and give up on what I believe in, to keep trying and fighting until success or death find me. I can afford to do no less.

In the past I’ve been the kind of girl who just gave up on trying most of the time, chickening out and letting fear or the obstacles stop me.

This has been the case for my writing. Eiridis has been sitting as a completed first draft for over six years now. For a lot of that time I’ve been too scared to do anything more with it and take it that next step. Scared I could not write something good enough, and hiding behind the obstacle of the rewrite and the edit because trust me, this baby needs a lot of work to get where it is meant to be. And I let that control me and stop me. And some days I’m almost like that with Nyssa. I am so proud of what I’ve created in Nyssa but what if I’m just kidding myself? And what of the hard work I need to put in still. As well as being an inherent fraidy cat, I’m also a lazy little kitten who would rather purr in the pool of sunshine than go and do something productive. That is especially true when it comes to editing. See I really kind of loathe editing. All those rules and ways things have to be and yeah, that was the part of English class I loathed more than taking “Dead Poet’s Society” and over analysing the birds flying. It melts my brain and I can admit…I’m just not good at editing and I’m still not sure where my skills stand on the rewrite aspects either.
But failure comes at a price I can’t afford and that goes for all aspects of this dream of mine to be a real honest to goodness writer and published author.

There is so much hard work to be done, so many obstacles to overcome, so much fear to punch in the face but I’m up for the challenge. I will keep fighting until success or death finds me.


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