I love you, here have the plague

I had such grand plans for a wonderful valentines post given my romantic nature, but then I contracted the plague and now I cannot recall what my brilliant idea was. If you happen to find my lost idea please send it my way.

In the place of that have a funny little sort of romantic little fairy tale I wrote a few years ago to make some friends giggle. Enjoy.


The princess was fair and lovely, as all true damsels are. She was beloved by her people far and wide, all came to hear her sing and watch her dance on those cold nights when the King held court.

But tragedy came with the spring tides. A great beast lurked in the waters and terrorised all who would cross the mighty oceans and streams. The Princess ever sweet and loving went out one night to comfort the sick in the village. She crossed the bridge from castle to village unaware of the danger that lurked in the dark still water. It took but a moment for the beast to rise from the depths of the stream and claim her.

The masses mourned their mighty loss for never before had there been one such as she to bring such smiles and joy to their lives. They were bereft, unsure what to do. They needed their princess back. In her absence the King had turned inward and would not rule such was the sadness of his soul. The crops began to wither and die. The villagers knew they must get their princess back and restore the kingdom. But how? They knew they were not skilled enough to face the beast and they knew the Princess would not want them to die needlessly in her name. And so they waited passing everyday by the stream hoping to see her smiling face appear knowing it would not until the mighty beast was slain.

And then one night a man came to the village. He rode in on his gallant steed, a worthy beast he named the General. His armour shone bright even in the moonlight of the half full moon.

“I shall take on the beast and save the Princess.”

The masses cheered for this brave knight and his mighty steed. And so to battle he went. The battle was most fierce, too bloody and violent to be retold with the ears of ladies so nearby to hear. It was an epic battle between demon and knight. The beast was strong and cruel but our knight was brave and true. He did not falter. It seemed victory was the knights but alas the beast had a weapon kept secret to save itself. It spoke. There was such pain as it spoke in its Awesome Terrible Voice (known to the knight as the ATV) and as it rolled out over the knight he fell to his knees crying out in pain. But he would not fail now, he could not fail now and leave the Princess to such a terrible death. He could almost see the Princess locked behind the beast that had stolen her from the stream.

He raised his head and looked the beast in the eye. The voice stopped. It knew the truth that lay in the knights eyes. It would die at his hand if it did not flee now. And flee it did, to wait for that perfect moment to return to the stream and claim more victims. The knight sat for a moment as blood spilled from his wounds until the Princess called his name.

He moved to her prison and released her. Being a lady of noble birth as he set her free she swooned for his brave deeds and handsome face. He caught her as she fell and pulled her to him smiling down as her eyes fluttered open and called her darling. She returned his smile.

“Oh brave knight, how can I ever thank thee.”

He swept her up and carried her to his mighty charger, swinging them both up and on. With a laugh he spoke.

“Lifelong devotion, this tale from your lips, or perhaps a token of thy affection for me.”

“You have always my devotion and worship for saving me and gladly will I sing of your brave deeds. And any token will I give thee in thanks.”

He leant forward their eyes locked.

“I will take only one.”

And so saying he closed the distance between them and from her lips plucked the secret kiss. A token so powerful and rare given only from a rescued Princess to her brave hero, her saviour, her beau.


4 thoughts on “I love you, here have the plague

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