Euphoria, reading, writing and contemplating

I have been quiet here on the blog, I apologise if my absence has been noticed and if I have in fact been missed. I have a few excuses I could throw around but in the end it boils down to a lack of inspiration to create a post. It is the same kind of apathy that has had the muse lacking these past few weeks in the way she usually comes forth with words, the same feeling that has me picking up a book and putting it aside before even a chapter has been read. I have even been more in a ‘meh mode’ about exercise and socialisation.

This morning I woke feeling unwell, to give you too much information I spent a good deal of time in the bathroom before the alarm had even gone off. I went back to bed for a time and then got up again to start my day. I was greeted by the same sounds of anger from my tummy, a feeling of nausea and soon a great thumping headache that turned murderous and had me feeling like I was drunk and the world was turning too violently even though I was lying absolutely still in bed. Eventually I pushed myself to use my time more wisely than just replaying dreams and contemplating websites. I picked up my book I am reading currently. And yes, I am actually reading it. I have gotten to the half-way point as of this morning. The book ‘Gene of Isis’ by Traci Harding has a certain hold on me. It deals with concepts my own books deal with and that I have been researching since I was about seventeen years old. It manages to stir in me a strong emotional reaction and create what I can only call a state of euphoria. There are a few books that create this kind of feeling in me and a few writers. It may be common but certain writing of my own creates this same euphoria and certain writing with Sam. Occasionally it can even come from role play I am part of, though that does not happen that frequently on the level I am talking about. This euphoria is like magic, it is inspiring and uplifting, it creates a feeling that all things are possible not just for the characters but for ourselves. On the back of this feeling I began to work on a story that I began two or more years ago. The story of Aoife, who some of you have met already in a little snippet I posted of her in more modern predicament. The story I worked on again happens when she is just a young woman and has no idea of her powers and only a glimpse of her destiny.

The euphoria and subject content of the book also had me start thinking about the personal magic of the feminine, of a woman, it had me contemplate what detrimental effects it might have on my personal magic and even my health to mess with the things that make me a woman.

I started to think on my own voice, my own power, my own magic. I thought about all the things that can work to control it, inhibit it. I thought on all these facebook and tumblr posts that are the current fad. “If I get one million likes or reblogs I’ll do such and such”. I contemplated what I would do if I got the right about of approval from society and then I thought on what I should do because I have my own approval. I should not wait for society to tell me it is okay to follow my dreams and create the life I so desire.

My head is still pounding, my stomach still uneasy and yet honestly I feel somewhat amazing. I feel euphoric, perhaps my body does not, but my soul does.

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