Some of us never grow up. I still hold to many of the dreams of my childhood. I want to be an actress and a dancer, be a princess, be a witch, find Narnia, talk to Dragons, wear beautiful gowns and live in a house with turrets and have a magical meditation room at the top and a magical pool in a cave under the house to see past, present and future in the dark water.
Many of you will question my sanity (many of you probably already have a few times), others of you will be smiling and thinking on your similar far flung dreams.
I can’t help it. This is just who I am, and though it is something I hide from some for the fear of ridicule and judgement, I really can’t be bothered hiding anything of who I am anymore.
Most of you will know of my love of the movie ‘Practical Magic’ and how much I identify with Sally. So you might be…well how are you Sally when she wanted a normal life. Really, I don’t think she wanted a normal life. She wanted to live without fear and judgement, she wanted true love, a family and her work to be something that explored her interests and talents. That doesn’t seem really that normal to me, that seems wondrous and something that few have ever known. Yes I do want her magic too, and yes I believe that the world has the potential for magic to be real. Something that has to be believed to be seen. And you know what? When Sally accepted every part of her, that was when she found true happiness.
I want to believe.
I want to believe like I did as a child, my mind not filled with the taint of doubt. All I need to do is clear my mind and believe.
Sometimes I even think I can. Sometimes I feel that ripple of energy through my body, feel my mind clear as if belief and transformation are coming and then that brain has to come and kick in with all that programming and well, nothing much happens.
Still, I can’t give up on these dreams. I still want to find Narnia, to be a good witch and a princess. I want to find magic and the fairy tale life, to live my dreams and not let the world, or me, hold me back.
I want to believe.