Show some respect

The following is a small piece written by a young woman in regards to reactions that she read about a piece on potential law changes to do with rape. Changes that would, to paraphrase, leave it to the accused to prove the victim said yes, rather than the victim proving they said no. This is an emotional piece and will be a trigger for many. It’s not actually about whether those law changes are good or bad, but more the root of the issue. Upon reading it others reacted with comments about how powerful it was and how it needed to get out there. The writer wishes to remain anonymous for their own reasons, those who know her well will probably recognize the stories she used, regardless, I ask you to respect her wish to be anonymous as its author for the time being.

To be perfectly honest about it, I don’t think consent is the issue here. The issue is the amount of people who believe that they have rights over another person, the problem isn’t proving consent, the problem is we need to go back a step here and educate people to know that another persons body is not their fucking property. IN ANY WAY. 

I was 19 when I lost my virginity and let me tell you, it was a hard thing to make it that long. Not just because of virgin shaming which was, believe me, a big thing, but the biggest problem was that people seemed to think because I showed any interest in them that it gave them the right to take sex. I was pinned down to the couch on one occasion, another time I got carried away and then I said no…so he kept trying to touch, pressing against me, telling me he loved me, that I was ready, that he could tell I was ready for it…no means no, I don’t care how far you’ve gone if someone wants to stop then you damn well stop, you don’t press to get them to change their mind, you don’t try to wear them down. When I shut another boyfriend down and told him I wasn’t ready he trapped me against a wall until I got free, and then I arrived at school the next day to find out that he had dumped me and told everyone that I was so desperate for him and he’d shut me down because I was gross with my clothes off. My response wasn’t the most creative or the best…I slapped him clear across the face and announced loudly that lying because he couldn’t rape me was really pathetic. I got a cheer from many of the girls…many who hadn’t been through similar experiences with boys themselves. 

I’ve been told when I’ve spoken about what guys have tried to do that I lead them on, that it was my fault, I gave mixed messages, I dressed for it….and that he was my boyfriend why shouldn’t he expect sex. 

How about no. No one has the right to expect anything from someone else, except to be treated with respect. We all have the right to expect that. Regardless of if someone is a stranger, your girlfriend, your wife, your boyfriend, husband, best friend, workmate, kid in class, person you hooked up with at a party….they have the right to say to say no, but more than that…YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE ANYTHING OR EXPECT ANYTHING. This is a two way deal, if it was a one way deal you’d be masturbating. It’s a two way street, both parties have to want it, actively want it. Being passed out and having wanted it before is not telling you that you are cleared for landing. 

And for the record, if someone doesn’t want it right now, if they aren’t ready for it, if they might want it tomorrow but not tonight or not at all…you have NO RIGHT to shame them, to emotionally abuse them or physically abuse them, you have no right to guilt trip them or make them feel bad. 

It’s called respect and it seems not enough people understand the concept. 

Entice the Mind

So you all have been very patient waiting for the new things coming in my life. Well I am pleased to tell you that the first has had life breathed into it and is now up and running. The first is Entice the Mind (ETM).

What is ETM?

Well, ETM is a blog based website based around the concept that it is wanting that keeps us alive. It is desire that leaves us wanting, all kinds of desire and enticement are in the world, from places we want to visit, to foods we wish to foodgasm over, pretty people that make us fan ourselves, stories that leave us squirming in our seats. The world is full of things that leave us wanting, whether that desire leaves us striving for something or it is simply enough to enjoy that feeling. ETM is all about finding those things, sharing those things and making the world just a little bit happier. It will feature quite a bit of my writing and the writing of guest bloggers. Soon we will be accepting submissions and even running some give aways. So please. Stop by and visit, sign up, follow us, comment, get involved, the site is for all of us.

Be Nice

Totally stole this from Facebook but I kind of loved it.

One of my quotes I write on everything has always been “Be the magic you wish to see in the world.” Which of course is based from “Be the change you wish to see in the world” from Ghandi. It’s about personal responsibility, like choose your mood. If you want to see more love in the world, be loving, if you want kindness then be kind, if you wish to see more intelligence then, well, read a book and improve yourself.

It’s all very good to bitch and moan about everyone else and do nothing yourself. Time to man up or shut up.

How about we raise each other up?

I think there is something very wrong in society most days. I see so many people trying to hurt others, emotionally more than physically. It’s the little thing, the people online who troll to start arguments, to upset people, the people who bully, all the way through to friends who do things to hurt other friends. I keep seeing this over and over again, people who say they are friends with someone and then they backstab them. I’ve had it myself, we all have.

There are a lot of people out there who seem to feel so bad about themselves that they think the only way to feel better is to make other people feel bad. I’ve consoled so many people over the years because of it. I’ve had it done to me. I had one girl who I considered to be one of my best friends and she burned me so bad because she wanted to feel better about herself, she then turned even more poisonous when I wouldn’t let that behaviour stand. She actually told people she hoped someone would slit my throat or I’d kill myself.

Wow. How is that talk ever acceptable? How is it healthy? Why are so many filled with so much hate and this need to spread negative feelings?

I’m over it. I am so done with seeing people suffering because of petty people who should be more worried about improving themselves, about find good things to make them happy. There is no need to be lashing out, hurting others, being mean, lying, or anything.

There is a meme going around about how you know the good women in the world, they’re the ones trying to raise their friends up not tear them down. It’s not just women, it’s men too. How about today you try to raise your friends up, make their lives better, be nice to complete strangers, how about today we try to be a positive influence, it might make us all feel better.