Tag Archives: depression

She wanted to be strong

She wanted to be strong. She wanted to stand up for herself. She got labelled a bitch by some, she lost friends that she thought were true because they couldn’t just walk all over her anymore. She got called names, she got talked about. It was hard. It was cruel but still, she wanted to be strong, she wanted to stand up for herself.

She had a kind heart and people abused that. She was a generous soul and people used that. She was loving. She was soft and she was gentle and the world was hard and cruel in places and people were cruel and abusive. Not all people, but more than it seemed was needed. Her heart ached because it seemed that people turned hard and cruel because of how they were treated, because they weren’t strong enough to overcome without becoming broken.

She wanted to help them all, she wanted to give them chance after chance, no matter how they treated her she didn’t want to give up on them and she didn’t want them to dislike her.

It went on, the years passed and her heart grew sore, her soul started to fracture. She couldn’t go on without breaking. She was going to change…for the worse if she didn’t stop, for the better if she was strong enough to act.

So she changed. She grew her wings. She flew above those who kept pulling her down, who kept pushing her down. It was tiring and her wings hurt. It was hard work and it would have been so easy to drop back down, but she had to keep flying if she wanted to get anywhere.

People wanted to squish her like a bug, people wanted to rip her wings off, but some people, some people smiled to see her beauty, some people marvelled to see her fly and some people blew gently into the air to help her soar.

She wanted to be strong. She wanted to stand up for herself. She stood up for herself and found she could fly.

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A sad girl and a rambling princess

I saw a girl today as I was coming back from dropping K off at school. She was a beauty, think Lily Cole kind of beauty. As she walked to school, I assume, she carried herself like she wanted to hide and not be seen. Everything about her body language was a lack of confidence or a need to not be noticed. As I stopped at the roundabout her eyes lifted and she looked straight at me. My gosh, I have never wanted to get out of the car and hug a person more. There was such sadness in her face and her eyes even had the puffiness of someone who had been crying. She lowered her head and continued down the road away from me.

Part of me truly regrets not getting out of the car and asking her if she was okay. I can think of so many times in my life that such an act of concern or kindness from a stranger would have changed my day, my outlook.

Then again, she might have thought this woman with the bad hair day was some kind of creeper.

It’s sad that an innocent act of concern can be seen before it’s even completed as an act of negativity.

What if she needed a hug?

What if she needed to know that someone cared today?

What if I had the chance to stop someone from doing something terrible, like self-harm or worse, today and I blew it.

Now I’m not saying that was the case, she might have just had a fight with her parents or best friend and be sad but not be going to do something terrible, but what if?

It’s in me to want to help people, even when I haven’t been able to help or fix myself I’ve still been out there trying to help others, trying to heal others. I was going to be a counsellor, heck I was even going to become a religious minister at one stage to be able to help and heal. It’s just who I am…

But I didn’t help, I didn’t even ask, I am conditioned to see that as inappropriate to poke my nose in a stranger’s business…but what if I could save a life, or even just save a terrible day, what if I could have given a smile, changed a life…what if?

Dear sad people…

I missed you when I woke

I missed you when I woke.
You weren’t here again.
You can’t be.
Angels never stay
Places to be and souls to save
But I missed you
Tears fresh on my pillow
You were there and you were real and you were here
And gone
Gone again
I missed you when I woke
I think I always will

Just a random little poem that sprung into my head inspired by this picture….

Count the ways.

So, I woke up to find Nathan Fillion wants me to count all the ways in which I am fantastic….well there goes my day. *giggles*

Actually it was just a random tweet from him but after having a day yesterday that involved tears and a bit of self-loathing I thought it was just what the doctor ordered. Well what the Captain ordered, wait, he can still be a doctor, there was that thing with NPH, wasn’t there?

So here is the tweet…

NF

I won’t actually sit here and list all the ways that I am fantastic, no one wants to read a blog post that long. *giggles* But I will be listing in my head or maybe even in my notebook the ways in which I am fantastic because I need to remember that sometimes in those moments when I doubt myself, when I doubt that anyone could even want to be friends with me.

So, even if you don’t think you have things you could list for yourself I bet you could. Just start with three things and go from there. I’m pretty sure you’re awesome, you just need to see it for yourself. Some days we all do.

Today is day one

I’ve been quiet on here, I’ve been quiet in a few places. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’ve been having a few issues because of it and because of a few other things. But today is day one again, time to slip those toxic habits away, focus back on me like I need to, get back into that exercise and eating well again. My birthday is in less than a month now and I have goals for where I want to be by then.

So here in the spirit of positive affirmation and loving oneself….have a couple of motivational images.