Tag Archives: personal

Way of the Wiccad

Day 1

Wiccad isn’t about having phenomenal cosmic powers. That kind of thing is for the books and movies (oh, they will come). Wiccad is about embracing your destiny. Wiccad is about embracing the faebulous person you were born to be. It is about cultivating your strengths and making yourself a force for good, a force for change – not necessarily for the whole world but for your whole world.
We are born with this light inside of us so that we can burn bright and light our life, our world. Our little kingdom. Whether that kingdom is you, the cat and two friends who stop by with unicorn themed drinks, or maybe the kingdom is you, a partner, kids, extended family, colleagues, committees, sports teams and more. Or maybe your kingdom is just you and a stuffed bear called Deano.
Whatever the kingdom is, you can light it up.
This is what being Wiccad is all about. Shining bright. Feeling warm and happy. Feeling light. Feeling like the best version of you that you could ever want to be.
And you know what?
It’s hard.
It’s really freaking hard.
From day dot we have people, situations and society trying to diminish our light, trying to steal our light, or just using so much of our light that there is very little left to light our own kingdom. We are often not encouraged to follow our gifts and do what makes us happy, what makes us the best person we can be for everyone but most importantly for ourselves.
Many of us are lost, miserable, hurt, crying, reaching out…
I see it every day.
I lived it.
I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t the best me I could be. And I admit, I had all this amazing stuff in my life, amazing people and family and love, but my light was still flickering and occasionally threatening to go out completely. I was not, no, I’m still not the Wiccad Woman I want to be. I am not the best version of myself. I am not who I want to be.
And there is a lot I can do to change it, and that is my path to being Wiccad. A path that is different for everyone. I would love to help everyone find their path to Wiccadness and to being the best version of themselves that they want to be. But first, it starts with me.
So here we are – The Way of the Wiccad Day 1.
So, what has Day 1 looked like? Well, it started with having a small pity party for myself over the way someone was acting with me and the way they made me feel. I got reminded “You never have to interact on other people’s terms.”
In other words, I don’t have to let them dictate our interactions, especially if what they are doing makes my light flicker. I can set boundaries and I can interact on my terms. I felt better after realising that.
Day 1 looked like…cold. Well, it didn’t look cold so much as feel it. It was the coldest morning I can recall of the year and getting out of bed took some effort. The cold sat in the garage and had a little chilly party. This might not have made any difference to me except I had told myself that today was the day I got back on the treadmill. My exercise has been lacking. Last week I got back into some dancing and using the swiss ball. This week I wanted to get back into more exercise. A HUGE part of becoming the best version of me is to take back my body. To be fit and happy. To be able to run around with K. To be happy with how my clothes sit and how I look. So, Day 1 looked like me wavering about getting back on the treadmill because the garage was effing cold.
GUESS WHAT!
I got back on the treadmill, and though I am nowhere near what I used to be able to do on it, I got on it. I kept moving until I was hot and sweaty. I gave myself a time goal and I hit it! (And I remembered to cool down afterwards so my legs are less inclined to scream sweet murder at me tomorrow).
Day 1 was becoming a success.
Day 1 was plotting on Faeted Tales because a change in the mythology of my worlds means I had to scrap most of a whole part of the story and restart. YAY. (This is what happens when you write things seven years ago and keep evolving the mythos…but it does mean that what I am creating is freaking faebulous!)
Day 1 then turned to me. To The Princess Bard and the brand that it is. The Princess Bard is me, but she’s also a commodity that must be treated as such. Treated as a business that requires effort and investment. Which then turned to who I want to be in the world. And I want to be me. I want to share my story and my path as much as I want to share the crafty pretties I make and the wonderful words I create.
So, The Princess Bard needs to live the Way of the Wiccad each day and I love and miss regular blogging on a more personal nature. So, I’m going to do this. Still not 100% sure how to do it with social media, do I just devote it to Facebook? To WordPress? Twitter isn’t quite so good for the big wordy posts, but I can easily put a link up there. So, what I’m thinking is that Facebook, you’re going to get my daily (or close to daily) posting. And WordPress, you’ll get a weekly update.
And you’re all going to join me as I follow this path and live the Way of the Wiccad. It’s a journey of self-discovery. Becoming the best version of me that I can be. Heart, Soul, Mind and Body. You’ll hear about the things I’m doing, the things I’m stopping and everything that I’m changing. And you can come with me. If you’ve had a good day, tell me. If you’ve had a shit day, well tell me that too and I will guarantee a hug sent your way.
We will be stellar. We will be faebulous. We will be Wiccad. Our light will shine, and you know what, we will be happy. And as I am learning. That’s so freaking important.

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Monday, it’s Monday

Morning, Monday morning, Hocus Pocus,

Oh look, it’s Monday morning, well for those of us not living in the past. (Ah, old Dad jokes are the best.)

This means I have a busy week ahead.  My to do list includes such fun things as vacuum, steam mop the kitchen…. slightly more fun things in working on ASL and Themedom….absolutely more fun things in having fun on Preshus Babies, writing 20,000 words minimum on Babypire and do a plot outline for TinkerHook since I had a breakthrough at about 1am this morning about Peter.

Gilmore Girls, Coffee,

How is everyone else’s week ahead looking? Time to get busy for me.

Bruce Almighty, Busy, Work, type,

Also, I’m thinking of putting the sort of prologue of TinkerHook up this week, who is in for that?

I wrote one word today

 

So today I wrote something. One word. Love. I wrote it on my wrist in support, along with many other people, for those who suffer from the darker thoughts, who might or have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life.
I have.
It’s not really a secret, I’ve been open about it. Not for the attention, not to say look at me I hurt my wrists, I took too many pills, I tried to drown myself in alcohol like the guy on Constantine, but because talking about it has always made it more real and easier to deal with for me. I hid it for a long time, most of those closest to me had no idea what I went through, that even when life was great I was still crying inside and wanting to just run. I still struggle. But talking about it and not feeling that I have to hide it and be ashamed of these thoughts or my actions make it easier for me.
There are a few people that know the extent of how bad it has been for me in moments, people that have talked me down when I’ve told them goodbye. And yes, sometimes it is a cry for help, sometimes I didn’t intend to do it, sometimes I just needed the help to get back from the darkness. I used to get a lot of negativity for having a cry for help moment, but honestly, for me it took strength to even do that and ask for help. There is NEVER anything wrong with asking for help or with needing help. I was not strong enough to do it alone. I don’t know if I am still. Anyone who follows me on my various places of social media will have seen the darkness come and get its grip on me. Sometimes it can last for as little as half an hour; sometimes it can last for months. Early last year it lasted for a long time. And I walked that path. I wanted it all to end; I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore. No one knew until it was almost too late. May 2011 was my lowest point and became my highest point because I came out the other side stronger. I have systems in place now and people to turn to when I can’t take it anymore, when I can’t go on. I have found my reasons to keep going. The things that matter inside of me. One, and the most amazing one for me, is my son. I am strong for him and he makes me strong.
I think I’m rambling as I tend to do.
But what I am saying today as my twitter feed is filled with so many people offering insight, support and love to a world touched by depression and suicide daily, is that I get it. I’ve been there and I came out the other side. I am there for anyone who needs someone at any stage even if I’ve never met the person before; I want to be there like I had people there for me. I have love written on my wrist because I am still here and I want you to be here tomorrow too.
And I also want to say thank you to those people who have been there for me. Who have helped me back up. Who have saved me more times than I can possibly count; from those who are loved ones to people who just offered a hand at the right moment. Thank you. I would not be here today without people showing the love that I’ve written on my wrist.